My Monday began like no other. I awoke in a hotel room in New Jersey.
Wait… maybe I should start from the beginning…
Six years ago when my cousin Alex came to see my high school graduation, I was extremely pleased and surprised that he had made the long (2 hour) trip. I told him that I was glad he came and that no matter what, I would be at his graduation.
I fully indended to keep that promise.
Fast forward six years.
The time was upon us. My cousin had just turned eighteen back on February 14. I knew his graduation was approaching. I spoke with my Aunt and found out the date, which was Saturday, May 14, 2005. Almost a month and a half before most high schools graduate. I guess it’s a benefit of being in a private school. My original plan had been to drive down to Valatie, NY (pronounced vuh-lay-shuh) with my father and sister. I found out that my father had intended on staying with my Aunt until Monday for my sister’s graduation (more on that later), so I needed to alter my plans to drive down by myself. Well, it turns out that my father didn’t really want to stay and had intended to drive back Saturday after the graduation. I decided that it would be in my best interest to ride down with him. I left work at my normal time of 3:30 on Friday (instead of working overtime until 6:30) to make sure I got to my grandmother’s house where I would meet my father so that we could leave as soon as possible. When I got to my grandmother’s I found out (as did she) that there was something seriously wrong at the factory at which he works (I won’t say due to a SERIOUS fear of bodily harm). Anyway, he doesn’t get to my grandmother’s until 7:00 at night. It still takes us about two hours to get to my cousin’s house. We finally get there, and were starving. We ate. A lot. Bad stuff (cholesterol-wise). It didn’t matter. It was probably the best meal I had ever had (due to my extreme hunger). I went to sleep and awoke at 6:00 AM (on my day off) and had to get ready to leave. We arrived at my cousin’s school, LaSalle Institute in Troy, NY at about 7:30 AM for a show that started at nine. I ended up using the majority of the time scoping out hot babes, until I realized that most of them were in high school, and that if I were to hit on them, that would make me Prozac (a friend who dates girls waaaaaay below his age). The ceremony was beautiful. LaSalle is a Catholic (Well Maybe Not Catholic per se, but Christian at the very least) Military school. Kinda sounds like an oxymoron, right? Anyway. My cousin received a couple awards and several scholarships to prominent universities in Upstate NY. Even Albany Diocese Bishop Howard Hubbard was there. Even though I’m not religious, it was cool to see a man of god. After the commencement, I retreated outdoors for the standard meet and greet with the graduates. I attempted to make several phone calls only to find to my dismay that the microphone on my cell phone was no longer functioning. The previous day, I tried calling my Aunt to confirm plans for the graduation, but she couldn’t hear me. I thought I had bad service. Nope. Fucking phone died. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I spend my Friday sitting around doing nothing waiting for my father, and I spend my Saturday without a cell phone in the middle of nowhere waiting for my father to get ready to return home. I begged an pleaded to make sure I made it home before 7 PM because I wanted to watch the Nextel Cup race. At 4:00, we left my Aunt’s where I sat around moping (prolly wasn’t a good idea). We made it home by 5:30 (we made damn good time). I had to run to Utica (another 40 minutes) to go to the mall to convince them to give me a new phone. Turns out that I didn’t have to convince them. They just did it for free. Not too bad, seeing as I only had my old phone for five months. Well, I finished up at the mall at 7:00 (great. Now I’m missing the fucking race). Made to my mother’s house at about 8:15 and missed the first two hundred laps of 400. So, I only saw the second half of the race. Oh well. At least I had a new phone (sans ALL OF MY PHONE NUMBERS AND PICTURES!!!)
After the race, I hit the hay, and awoke at 7:00 AM (on my day off). I farted around with my parents, helping them get the last of the stuff out of their house that they’re selling. Next on my super busy three-day weekend uber-filled agenda was a trip to New Jersey with my sister, my step-father, and my sister’s friend for my sister’s college graduation. We left at 3:00 and arived around 7:00, checked in, and bolted immediately to find food. We made it back to the hotel with time for my step-father to watch the last two-and-a-half hours of the Survivor finale.
Monday began like no other. I awoke in a hotel room in New Jersey. It was 6:00 AM (on my day off). I stepped out side to have a cigarette. Before I lit up, I took in a deep breath to enjoy the morning air, before I started to kill my insides. My first impression was , “Ugh! It smells like Jersey out here!” It had that fart smell like steam.
We had to be at the Continental Airlines arena in the Meadowlands for a show that started at 10:00 AM. We got there around 8:30. I really didn’t even want to go, but due to extenuating circumstances, I had to be there to film it. My mother just got a new job and had to start working on Monday, otherwise she wouldn’t have gotten her job. I had to film the graduation for her. I had a great shot of the stage, but at the last minute, two guys who barely spoke english sat right in front of me. I ended up having to film the big screen hanging from the ceiling. It really didn’t look that great. The commencement speaker came out and bitched about how much he hates bush, drawing little applause and great ire from the crowd. Some guy even yelled out “Fuck You!” much to the pleasure of the crowd. My sister was pissed that the guy had to spout political BS at her graduation. Well, the whole thing took about four hours. The main reason was that they called every kid up on stage. That’s almost 3,000 students. I got sick of filming them all, so I waited until my sister got up on stage, then quit filming. Well, not entirely. Every so often, it something funny happened, I would film it. There were several beach balls going throughout the crowd. And then… there was a guy… with a mustache, and a mullet. I had to get that on film. After it was all over, we did the meet and greet thing, and got the hell out of Dodge.
On the way home, we passed through Albany, NY. A few years ago, I used to listen to a talk show host on a radio station, but he was fired. He got hired at a new station, but the new station doesn’t reach my home. I went to change the radio to listen to him, but my sister turned into uber-bitch for me touching her radio. I figured she’d do something nice for me like letting me listen to something I wanted to hear, but haven’t been able to in years, but she had to have her way all weekend. I had enough. I wanted to go home, and get the worst three-day weekend of my life over.
I left my mother’s house, and unfortunately someone, maybe me, forgot to pack my bathroom stuff. I’ve been living without deodorant or a contact lens case or my razor for about three days now.
Thank god I don’t have weekends like that every weekend. I’d bore all of my readers to tears with my incessant rambling.
Oh, and if you’re wondering about the girl and the pizza place from the title, they don’t exist. I just stuck that in there cuz I thought it’d make this entry sound cooler.